Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
It's better to be the first lover than a third wife.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
"You can't sleep either?" Says a voice from under your bed.
The problem with being in the center of attention is that half of it is always behind your back.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Our conscience is clear- we don't use it.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.