Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
An idea came to the mind, and now she's searching for the brain.
I was never great with girls but I have standards... I don't date ugly girls... I make them fucking ugly...
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry?Never lick the spoon.
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No, one drag is enough."
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop".
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
Text him again. He probably just forgot that he's in love with you.
Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
if a single teacher cant teach us all subjects,how is a student supposed to learn all the fucking subjects?
Have a girl that everyone else dreams about, but don't dream about a girl that everyone else has.
The less you love a woman, the faster your hand gets tired.
Kids, don't grow up... it's a trap!
Q: what did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack? A: "I need to axe you a question."
I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.