My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas? My bike.
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
He's as sharp as a bowling ball.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
Dream carefully, because dreams come true.
I know my limits: if I fell down it means enough.
Love is not the number of times you kissed her, but the number of moments you were dying to kiss her.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?
Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas.
I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words... "Were you fired?"
You should need a license to be that ugly.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
You're IQ's lower than your shoe size.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.