An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job.
Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Actually, I don't think you're dyslexic; just really, really stupid.
A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.
Beauty is only skin deep ...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
Sure, white people can't say the "N word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."
Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!
You have the perfect face for radio.
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
There are two types of guys: those who pee in the shower and those who don't admit it.
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air.