Why was six scared of seven? Because seven "ate" nine.
You can't be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
The most dangerous room in the house really depends on where your wife is at the moment.
Because of the disregard towards safety techniques people not only die but are also born.
He's a few clowns short of a circus.
Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?
Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas.
I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words... "Were you fired?"
I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.
You should need a license to be that ugly.
I love the F5 key. It s just so refreshing.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?