How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Why did God create black men? So fat white girls could dance (and get laid).
What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig? A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.
Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him.
Me: And the award for the most awesome daddy goes to...? *6 blinks M: The most awesome daddy award goes to...? *6 blinks M: 6: Luke's dad?
If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.
Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.
I think I married someone else's soulmate. I wish they'd come get him.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Salary is like a period you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.
Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.
The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it.
Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.